The Kids (and how important it is to be wanted)

I asked my dad what I should write about, and this was his suggestion. It fits in with what I’ve been meaning to talk about, so I’m going with it. 

When we moved to Maryland from Minnesota I was 18, I had graduated from high school and I wasn’t going to college at the time. There wasn’t really a way for me to meet people in my area since I didn’t go to school and I didn’t drive at the time. After a few months I started working for the Children’s Center at my church. There are 2 pre-school classes and then before and after-care for elementary school aged kids. I worked there for a year and a half until I went off to “sleep away school” as everyone called it. 

For the next 4 summers I worked between semesters away at school. And of course, like any job, I got sick of it. It gets old dealing with the same kindergarten problems and you can loose your mind repeating yourself to an audience that doesn’t listen. But every summer I came back excited to be with most of my staff and to be with my kids again. I had about 24 school aged kids over the summer. We played outside, we had snack, we walked to and swam in the pool, we did crafts, watched movies, I read to them, taught them very simple Spanish, etc.

I am not happy at my current job, it’s just a fact. The fact is that your job isn’t necessarily what’s supposed to make you happy in life, but it’s been slowly wearing on me more and more that this is not the place for me for my own sake. In my job I am not valued for the things I can do, but rather assessed on the categories I don’t fall into. My plan of attack for now is to continue to work hard and hope it just pays off in some way. My other plan is to work hard at staying positive while I figure out what to do.

Tonight was the center’s Christmas program which I had the pleasure to attend for the first time since I directed it my first year working there. Every other year I’ve been away at school or out of the country. When I walked back into the classroom before the show to see my old coworkers every kid jumped in their chair with excitement to see me. All my coworkers hugged and kissed me and were happy to see me, and I was happy to see them. I still remember almost every child’s name and got so many warm greetings and it made me realize something. Firstly, I have been extremely blessed to actually be a part of a team where I was valued for who I was and what I could do, not all the things I wasn’t. I received my current job somewhat easily so it’s been easy to take for granted how hard it is to get a job and to appreciate having it. At this point it’s important for me to look back and remember that it’s not completely unachievable to be a part of a team where you fit in and your efforts are acknowledged. Secondly, this is literally only the case with my current job. I’ve never experienced this type of reaction to my work ethic and personal relationships in my life. I’ve hated the past few months, but I’ve had to grow up as a person and realize who I know myself to be, which is good. With those two fact put together, moving on shouldn’t be very hard past figuring out where I’d like to go and actually getting the job.

I didn’t mean to be very serious about everything, but it sort of brings me full circle to talking about this blog. I’ve only just started, but following beauty and foodie blogs and vlogs over the past few months has been a really great distraction from real life problems. From the beginning I’ve been hesitant about this since I don’t have very much focus. I like to do a lot of things, but I’m not especially good at any of them- jack of all trades, master of none. Cooking, baking, clothes, and beauty are all my favorite hobbies, so I’m hoping to bring in all those elements here… Wish me luck!

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