Pre-Interview Jitters

When I quit my job in December I went through the process of reassuring everyone I know that I would be leaving that career to enter into my dream field. Said dream field was something involving accumulating and using cosmetics in any form I could find available or working for a specific company that I thought would be the fulfillment I needed. It’s been about two months since I quit and I’ve turned down a handful of job offers and I probably have not spent enough time in pursuit of my dreams.

The thing is, throughout this process I realized that my dreams are bigger than my career. Sure, it is my ultimate goal to be a mom and be able to do make that my full time gig, but even that isn’t necessarily a socially accepted idea of what my dreams should be. Essentially, I’m supposed to find a career or career field that really resonates with me and brings heart-warming fulfillment into my life that makes me feel like waking up every day is worth it and I’m really living my life. I’ve had a number of jobs that I look back on fondly and wish I could make a bigger role out of, but I still remember the days (which were many and regular) that those jobs were just jobs. And in the end that’s all any job is- a job with good days and really, reeeally bad days.

Especially when I consider the fact that the only career goal I’ve ever had is to be a mom, I think I can safely say that finding a dream job isn’t going to happen for me. I’m ok with that. Try explaining this to people. I have absolutely no prospects for a husband and don’t make a big effort in that area so telling people that’s what I want to do is a bit of a joke. I’ve been looking at the time I spend until I do meet the man who will eventually be the father of my children as a sort of buffering period- I’m just spending (or wasting) time until things really start up for me. I do sense the bleakness of this thinking and my situation. I don’t truly feel that way though. My intention is to use this time to cultivate interests and hobbies and develop the lifestyle I want.

This brings me to what is hopefully my next big step in life. I have an interview with a company doing something I would be good at. Not based on my dreams and hobbies and interests, but based on the skills I have and my ability to thrive in a normal workplace which is something people often overlook. My friends and family seemed a bit disappointed when I explained this is where I’m hoping my life will go next which made me wonder whether I should feel defeated as well? No. I do not. I think it is far better to have a stable career where I can be a strong performer and the work feels significant, even if it may not be life-changing. I think I would prefer to have a job where I can establish myself and pick up and put down interests and activities at my leisure. To have enough money to pay off my loans so I can move out and live on my own and gain back the time I lost from commuting at my previous job seems like a dream. If your commute is less than an hour or even half an hour I think that deserves a moment of your thanks. You don’t know how much I envy you. To get back the time, money, and stability this job may afford me would allow me to pursue all the other ideas I had in mind before this job came.

Of course, none of this is certain and I do not even have a job offer. I feel it is important to explain why I made this decision for myself and how I did not simply decide against the inconvenience of my other ventures.

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